Gifted 8 year old with behaviour issues and emotionally immature
I have an 8 year old son. He is in year 3. He started school at 4 1/2. He has had behavioural issues for the last 2 years at school. Has a communications book everyday which states whether or not he has behaved and completed all work. Usually he always gets some sort of humming, rocking, walking away, calling out, annoying someone comment. We have done much testing as the school which is a small Catholic school in inner Sydney requested we do so. He has seen psychologist, had eyes tested, hearing tested, seen paediatrician, speech therapist and at one stage it was noted that he may have an auditory processing problem but after 3 different opinions it was found that he doesn't have that. It has been extremely frustrating trying to work out how to get the best out of him when it comes to homework, maths, english. He loves science. He took a WISC-IV test and it's shown he is in the Very superior range of giftedness. However, after consulting with a gifted and talented consultant it was noted that he is gifted underachiever. My gut feel is that he is indeed gifted and I wish we could trigger that yearning to learn but definately still emotionally immature. All conditions such as ADD/ADHD, autism, aspergers, auditory etc have been ruled out after an exhausting year of observing and testing. He will not complete school assessments, hates maths and doesn't like English - so barely coping with maths and english which is very disturbing. The next step now is that we have been advised to put him into a very specialised program for maths/english. He is currently not in a gifted program - the school hasn't been able to offer that. Has anyone out there had similar issues?
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Re: Gifted 8 year old with behaviour issues and emotionally immature
You may have to take on some of the responsibility here for his education - i mean beyond all the testing, etc. In particular, his aversion to Maths and English. Most kids don't come pre-packaged with an aversion to learning - quite the opposite. Aversions to maths and English are usually learned in the classroom. There are some things you can do at home with him.
We use games with our two girls and with great success. There are a number of excellent Australian games (Akumulate, from Dr. Wood comes to mind). Games are an excellent way of introducing new concepts without the often unhelpful school environment. They focus attention, increase memory and generally relax frazzled kids.
If your son is gifted he may enjoy some of the more mathematical strategy games (like the mancala range. eg: oware, Congklak). These are standard in Asia and some parts of Europe for introducing and enjoying mathematics. As for reading (English) the most successful strategy we have found is to turn off the telly and start reading ourselves. The result for our eldest girl has been great so far.
All the best.
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Re: Gifted 8 year old with behaviour issues and emotionally immature
Thank you. I have never heard of these before I will look into it. I may not have mentioned that I have a big family and he is the eldest. This makes it difficult to have one-on-one all the time. At times I think he gets the maths but then I at times I don't. We have been told by the school that he needs a specialised tutor (something like SPELD) - have you ever heard of that? What about kinesthetics (I think that's what it is called). I love the school but am worried that the school is not able to provide the right learning environment for him as he always seems to be in trouble for doing annoying stuff. It's a Catholic school and he is pretty religious and likes being at the school. However, I feel that he is not getting what he needs. Any other suggestions with regards to that? There is not talented or gifted program in place at the moment - but from what I have seen I really doubt that he would do the work but that's just assuming. Thanks for taking time to write.
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Re: Gifted 8 year old with behaviour issues and emotionally immature
My goodness, you have your hands seriously full. I would encourage you to look round in the local community for some support. You are welcome to email me and i will look into what might be available in yor area.
Emotionally immature boys tend to get bullied by others who get frustrated at the immaturity. Sometimes what a boy in that circumstance needs is a reliable and faithful man to take him under the wing and just be a mate.
Sounds a bit simplistic, i know, which is why i would encourage you to find some form of support locally from people who can see for themselves where your son is at. I would not wait for the school to act, they are no doubt stretched in all directions as it is.
Kind Regards, David
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Re: Gifted 8 year old with behaviour issues and emotionally immature
I am having the very same problems with my son (8yrs), I have found that having a gifted child with social and emotional issues extremely challenging. I find that everyone is an "expert" yet no one seems to be able to offer any REAL help. Our school is very reluctant to offer any more challenging work and despite his WISC-IV results showing him to have very superior intellect (with some visual processing delays) it's a daily struggle to get him enthusiatic about school work - he'd much rather enterain himself in less productive ways. I'm curious to know if your son "reacts" inappropriately to irritations by other children? My son gets very easily "baited" into reacting and is always considered the "villan" in the eyes of the school, yet rarely actually starts anything. I'd like to know if this is a common situation. At home he is a fantastic student, a pleasure to have around and hyperfocusses on his maths (grade 5-6) with ease and accuracy. Just can't get him to breeze through his school work with the same enthusiasm. I find just sitting in close proximity of him enough. But school in an unstructured environment is very tough on him.
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Re: Gifted 8 year old with behaviour issues and emotionally immature
My school has been more than helpful but just feel that they are unable to get results because the classes are large and my son is much better in a smaller class with one on one - here's to wishing. They have been amazing when it comes to suggestions. I just feel that they haven't got the resources. He is just not triggering that amazing ability he has shown. My son is extremely honest and gets himself into trouble - he does "class clown" things that can get annoying and disruptive. Hums, rocks, walks around the room, gets up when he is not supposed to. It's become more behavioural. Yet in another environment where he goes Saturdays to get extended he is totally different. Sounds like you are lucky where Maths etc is concerned. My son doesn't want to do assessments etc and performed rather well in NAPLAN considering he didn't answer all the questions. At home he is very hard to get motivated when it comes to Maths. English is easier as he likes to write comics etc but it's a daily struggle. He loves Science/Art etc.
Is your school catholic or public or neither? Mine is Catholic.
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Re: Gifted 8 year old with behaviour issues and emotionally immature
My School is public. I can certainly relate to the fidgeting and class clown antics too. Class sizes are a distraction. What does your son do on Saturday's to get extended? Are you Melbourne based? I'm curious to know what things I couod get my son into to extend him on the weekend. He really needs the opportunity to be with other gifted children, I just don't know what's out there.
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Re: Gifted 8 year old with behaviour issues and emotionally immature
My son is in grade 2 (7 years old) and he sounds very similar to your son. He gets very frustrated with other children and the school principle just said to me that he had a 'stubborn streak'. He is currently doing a Gateway program every second Saturday and loves it!! When he is engaged and stimulated there aren't any issues...when will schools realise this.
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Re: Gifted 8 year old with behaviour issues and emotionally immature
It's a vicious circle isn't it? I have a 7 &1/2yo son in year2 who is class clown and everything is BORING der! He is emotionally immature and even still cries at times and sucks his thumb in class and doesn't care. He even at times will roll on the floor and hide under a desk for something to do. Just brilliant! He forgets what he's doing (even chewing his food if distracted) and he admits to daydreaming all day, especially at school. Can't be extended until his behaviour calms down and he does his year2 work and then can be moved on. Seems so simple - not so. He doesn't get it as it's 'way too easy'. Can't move him on because he refuses/can't see the point to do the work he needs to do or forgets what they're doing. My nearly 6yo daughter is the youngest enrolment in year1 only a year behind him and she's being extended and he sees that. He doesn't understand why she is and he's not and he's ever so frustrated so therefore, he hates school. He's too stubborn to listen as he's never wrong so he won't sit with me as what do I know and he's regularly 'in trouble' at school. WHen we do sit together we successfully do much higher level maths but this then makes him more frustrated at school - it almost disadvantages him. What a handful! VERY frustrating... If only he would sit and listen or even pretend to if necessary and stops interrupting the class all the time like his sister and older brother and all would be OK for him? They keep telling me he has potential but isn't achieving and keep reminding me that OC placements for year5 upwards are only available to applicants with better behaviour. I need to calm him down now and get him achieving with more effort required, so I'm told. I've talked to him until I'm blue in the face. As I said, it's a viscious circle. Aarrgghhh.. Best of luck with it all.
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Re: Gifted 8 year old with behaviour issues and emotionally immature
It's a vicious circle isn't it? I have a 7 &1/2yo son in year2 who is class clown and everything is BORING der! He is emotionally immature and even still cries at times and sucks his thumb in class and doesn't care. He even at times will roll on the floor and hide under a desk for something to do. Just brilliant! He forgets what he's doing (even chewing his food if distracted) and he admits to daydreaming all day, especially at school. Can't be extended until his behaviour calms down and he does his year2 work and then can be moved on. Seems so simple - not so. He doesn't get it as it's 'way too easy'. Can't move him on because he refuses/can't see the point to do the work he needs to do or forgets what they're doing. My nearly 6yo daughter is the youngest enrolment in year1 only a year behind him and she's being extended and he sees that. He doesn't understand why she is and he's not and he's ever so frustrated so therefore, he hates school. He's too stubborn to listen as he's never wrong so he won't sit with me as what do I know and he's regularly 'in trouble' at school. WHen we do sit together we successfully do much higher level maths but this then makes him more frustrated at school - it almost disadvantages him. What a handful! VERY frustrating... If only he would sit and listen or even pretend to if necessary and stops interrupting the class all the time like his sister and older brother and all would be OK for him? They keep telling me he has potential but isn't achieving and keep reminding me that OC placements for year5 upwards are only available to applicants with better behaviour. I need to calm him down now and get him achieving with more effort required, so I'm told. I've talked to him until I'm blue in the face. As I said, it's a viscious circle. Aarrgghhh.. Best of luck with it all.
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Re: Gifted 8 year old with behaviour issues and emotionally immature
I am from Europe and English is not my native language so I apologise for possible mistakes in my text. But problems with children are similar everywhere. I have a 8 years old son and he is very much like yours. He was underachiever since he had started the school, everything was boring, he was a class clown, he was (and still is because this is the characteristic of very bright children) often distracted when he had to do things which were not of his interest. His school- bag was a mess and he kept losing things every day. He refused to write, his notebooks were empty. The teacher in his first class wanted to send him to specialist for specific learning problems and she didnīt believe us that his functioning in kindergarden was completely different. He learned how to read when he was four, he calculated numbers up to 100 when he was five etc. She wouldn`t believe us because he functioned on much lower level at school. All the time we had to listen from him that the school was boring. We finally did an assessment at clinical psychologist who is an expert in the field of giftedness and it showed that he is in a top superior range of intelligence. I read a lot about highly and extremely gifted children and he has all characteristics of these children, including oversensitivities that are often part of high intelligence. He has all five of them: psychomotor, sensual, emotional, imaginational and intellectual oversensitivity. You can find good articles on these topics at the SENG page (SENG - Supporting emotional needs of the gifted), which is the american organisation to support issues of giftedness. The psychologist adviced us to accelerate at least for one year because, as she said, when the IQ is over 150, then a programme for his age which suits to the children of average intelligence is simply unsuitable for such a child; he would need an acceleration to meet his intellectual needs. We hesitated for a long time (too long, I think now) but in this March we decided to do it because behavioral problems worsened, he had no motivation for school work and no learning habits because he learned practically nothing in last two years and half. We accelerated him for one year a month ago. First impressions are good as regards the school work. Now his notebooks are finally completed, he writes (still not with much enthusiasm but he does what he must) and he started to learn. Behavioral problems are almost gone, he behaves more mature, sits still, he doesn`t loses things anymore etc. His grades are good so far. Of course there are other problems now, he is much smaller than others (he was the youngest also in the previous class of year younger children), new class mates were a stable group that spent few years together and they need time to accept him. So far he is a bit lonely, he hasn`t find a friend yet (although he is very social and opened person) and it isn`t easy for him. But finally the school is interesting and when I asked him what he would prefer he chose this class and his reason was that he is not bored anymore. So I hope for the best.
So the most important thing is to find a good psychologyst who works in the field of gifted children and would make an assesment that will help you to define the problem and find a solution for it. Because the child can also be special in two ways, he can be for instance gifted and having attention problems, so in such case it is important to address both issues. After that you must become very good advocate for your child to explain to the school what he needs and be strong to get optimal accomodations for him. If he is exceptionally gifted then he is a child with special needs and problems won`t just disappear without changes in his environment. Extremely gifted children are often underachievers because as in my case the program is not suitable for them. And because they consequently misbehave or work under their capabilities they don`t get the exstension programs they would desperately need. It is a vicious circle and you can break it with a help of a good psychologist and your strong decision to help to your son. Good luck!
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