Help! Gifted toddler with extreme behaviour
I am looking for advice because I really just don’t know what to do anymore! I am fairly confident that my son (2 years + 3 months) is bright, and possibly gifted. He has an exceptional memory, and rapidly growing vocabulary. He sings nursery rhymes almost in their entirety, and will sing a song after only playing the first beat on the CD. He always stands out amongst same age peers in regards to his level of energy. He was an exceptionally alert baby, has never been a good sleeper, and just seems to ‘get’ things. Initially I thought he had ADHD/ADD because he has the attention span of a gnat, but I am confident that this isn’t the case because his inattention is sporadic and he can focus when he wants to. I did take him to a reputable and experienced child psychologist early this year because I was worried that he may be exhibiting early signs of Pervasive Developmental Disorder. The psychologist was confident he wasn’t on the spectrum, but did think he was possibly gifted, and asked whether we wanted our son tested. I declined, as I was worried about ‘labelling’ him. I am reconsidering this decision now.
My main problem at the moment is that my son’s behaviour is deplorable!! I have a background in psychology and extensive experience in the human service industry working with children. I have been trained in various parenting programs (e.g. Triple P, etc), but seem to be failing when it comes to my own child (ironic isn’t it!!). Our biggest issue is that my son consistently hits other children. The problem is at the extreme level, and to the point where we are starting to be ostracised from different groups that we attend. My family wont spend time with him on his own because of his behaviour. His previous day-care centre informed me that he would be better in family day care where there are no other children (we have since changed centres). It breaks my heart to see other people and parents disliking my child.
Someone who I highly respect has suggested that my son may have sensory issues, and recommended seeing an occupational therapist. I have been reading a little about gifted children and Dabrowski’s Overexcitabilities in Gifted Children. Has anyone else gone down this track?
What have people done in regards to addressing behaviour issues, because the standard approaches (ignoring, redirection, positive reinforcement, timeout, etc) are just not working with my child (and my husband and I have applied all of these strategies consistently). The only strategy that I haven’t used is smacking because I just don’t believe in it. However, you have no idea how much energy it takes for me to stop myself from smacking him.
I am keen to hear responses. I am desperate, and need to move beyond spending days crying. People don’t seem to understand how difficult it is to parent kids who are bright or gifted. I am keen for any advice.
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Re: Help! Gifted toddler with extreme behaviour
Just wanted to reply and express sympathy!! Sounds like it would be worth doing a further assessment. Is your son frustrated with the other kids? My two year old hits only occasionally but gets a quick timeout and that really works, I know you have already tried this.
WHat makes you think he has sensory issues?
Can you identify *why* he hits the other kids?
Feeling your pain!!
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Re: Help! Gifted toddler with extreme behaviour
I am just new to this forum and saw your post. It made me think of a book I am reading that may help. It is called "Children are People Too" and is written by Dr Louise Porter. It may have some useful insights into behavior.
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Re: Help! Gifted toddler with extreme behaviour
Hi Sophiesmum
I am new at this too. Thanks for the suggestion. I just had a look on the internet and noticed that Louise Porter also has another book called 'Gifted young children: A guide for teachers and parents'.
Thanks again
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Re: Help! Gifted toddler with extreme behaviour
Hi Soniaf
thanks for the response, and thanks for understanding my pain!! It is hard when your child is hitting other children, and the parents are glaring at you. I often wonder what is going through their head. Some of the parents of kids that my son has hit actually ignore me in the street when they see me!! Sometimes it isn't easy being the mother of a 'hitter (and biter at times)'.
In regards to my son having some sensory issues, the more I think about this (and the more I google), I don't think this is an issue. The only reason we were going to explore it further is because the teacher at the little dance/singing group we attend has known my son since he was six weeks old, and thought it was worth exploring further.
His daycare centre don't think his hitting is due to sensory issues. They have watched him and says that he just randomly hits children without any provocation, and then stands and waits for their response. They have also made comment about issues in regards to social skills, but yet comment on his advanced intellectual ability. I am very knew to all of this, but think this could be a sign of asynchronous development??
I wish time-out worked!! He just laughs at us when we do it. Tonight we tried to send him to the wall for time out. We were pointing at him and directing him to the wall. He turned around, pointed his finger back at my husband, and started mimicking him. I have honestly tried all the Triple P and 123 Magic strategies. We have both been trying these consistently for over a year with limited results.
Whilst I do have an appointment with an OT in August, I have decided to go back to the Child Psychologist who we saw three months ago, and see what see says. We see her on Thursday. Thursday just cant come around quick enough!!
Thanks again
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Re: Help! Gifted toddler with extreme behaviour
Hi Astroboy,
I recognize myself so much in your situation. Actually just found this forum today and I'm on the other end of the world from Australia, in the UK, but I guess it doesn't really matter. Gifted kids are the same all over the world and I guess it's just as hard for us parents wherever we are.
My son is 3,5 and I'm quite sure he's gifted too. I started doubting it when he was around 2 or a bit before that. He was an early talker, extremely active, curious and would chock me on many occasions with his excellent memory or funny or smart comments.
Now to the point, he's just as mischevious and cheeky as your son. The example you gave about your son and what he did when put against the wall could have come just from me. Nothing beats on him. He just laughs it off. It's impossible to discipline him, nothing works really. My son just loves to provocate and tease.
My son used to hit and bite alot too for not very long ago but he stopped that, and I think that goes after a certain age.
Not to say that he's become easier though. I'm tearing my hair, and I cry. I'm just completely drained and lacking energy as I have a 1,5 year old girl aswell. She's calmer though.
I can go on and on about my son.
Now to what you could do.
Well, I feel a great help in knowing that I'm not alone, that we are other parents going through the same thing. We are not alone. We definately need each other because it's very hard for others who don't go through the same to understand. Only for my husband it's hard to understand.
Here in the UK we have NAGC which is the "National Association for Gifted Children" which is a rather good organization. They have a web page. It's worth checking out. That's all for now.
Good luck for Thursday, let us know how it goes!!!
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